Visions in Words
Visions in Words

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I would like to personally thank you for stopping by. My name is Alicia Hammons. Have a look around my website and get to know me and my writing. If you want to drop me a line you can always write in the guestbook.

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In the late of the hour the clock strike 3am 

The pounding inside this cage is heavy

Feeling the tightness and clawing so raw

Silence never felt so loud

Where are you now

What is left of this callous soul 

 

In the dark of the night 

Breaking down this fight

Can’t mask it anymore

There’s no more to store 

 

Let it out, let it out

I scream and shout 

Fuck it what’s to lose now

Where I go was never my choice somehow

 

I see the layers you bury inside

Intentionally try keep up facade and hide

I want in yet I know it’s never a win

Living life sending it into a spin

 

Fucking cruel joke it is to feel it so 

Knowing it’ll never get a go

Swells in the sea crashing to the core

How unfair seemingly wanting more

 

It’s there hidden in the line,

Searching those eyes for what’s not mine

I hold this dearly locked up tight

Wishing upon the stars each and every night

 

What I feel comes alive yet I bleed it out 

Tirelessly searching for a new route

Trickles falling down, each leaving a stain 

You couldn’t understand her weary pain 

 

Let it out, let it out

I scream and shout 

Fuck it what’s to lose now

Where I go was never my choice somehow

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Feeling what I know inside
It’s in the way these words never flow,
Can’t travel back how to move forward between want and need oh so much greed
Demons circling inside my head 
What I’ve done is jumped off a ledge 
Disaster is the result for her heart 
No one there to pick it up just tear it apart
They got it all wrong in the way she gives 
She’s right there standing before their very eyes 
Covered up between all the dirty little lies

Won’t you just come alive, come alive 
Don’t you feel it, 
The stirring deep inside 
Won’t you just come alive, come alive

One is used to this type of company each night 
Why must we even put up this fight
Help me understand the ways of what I can’t seem to get out my head
Don’t let this feeling travel through dead
Can’t you hear me right before your very sight 
I want you in all the light and dark you keep locked tight

Won’t you just come alive, come alive 
Don’t you feel it, 
The stirring deep inside 
Won’t you just come alive, come alive

Gone jumped off the ledge hand in hand
Won’t you just come alive, oh baby come alive

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It’s what behind your eyes, see it, don’t you see it

Can you hear it, please hear it, can you feel it, try to feel it,
Deep inside, its clawing for a way out, let it out
Let it burn, baby, let it burn.

Feel that spark, set flame to the old and build your new, rise from the ashes
Pave the way, take this hand, take a stand
Conquer these ways of which break shackles and chains
Travel at the speed of light there is nothing left but to clean the stains

Each day it’s the same reflection painting the on warrior within
Steady is the dance effortlessly flowing rejecting against burdening sin
Glance back, the reflection, throw it a wink and sly grin, head up
Heavy drum pounding to the core for something more to fill my cup

All you must do is make the jump
Whispers trying to pull you in their slump
Staring out to abyss 
It’s fight or flight but surely don’t miss
Resist to conform to standards that are not true to you
Be heard, make a wake, obliterate all that comes with in your way
self-destruct to recreate the sharpening through and through

It’s what behind your eyes, see it, don’t you see it
Can you hear it, please hear it, can you feel it, try to feel it,
Deep inside, its clawing for a way out, let it out
Let it burn, baby, let it burn.

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I didn’t ask for nothing

They take it, they take it

Take it all from me

 

Dropping to my knees here I’m open left to plead it all out

Watch me rise up, I’ll scream and shout

I’m coming for all I’ve earned

Setting a blaze to bridges needing burned

There’s no race when I’m setting this pace

My fight is fierce and each stride I’ll take with pride

Don’t ask me to sit back and hide

 

I don’t ask for nothing

They take it, they take it

Take it all from me

 

Everything I ever counted on failed me

Breaking every part, blinding what I see

No shoulder but my own to rely on,

Searching, searching to fill these gaps

How can I be better, feeling like it traps

Can you even hear me cries, silence are the screams, feel so thin

Surely you feel my hearts desire deep within

 

I don’t ask for nothing

They take it, they take it

Take it all from me

 

I don’t ask for nothing

They take it, they take it

Take it all from me

 

I pour out my soul for those in my path

Yet I feel my failings in all their wrath

One being, one fight, all I’ve ever asked was to be a light

Giving and giving, how dare I ask what about me

So long as I help those be free

 

I pour until I’m empty, every last drop

Drink me up, breathe me in

Feel my touch, really see into these eyes

Fed empty promises, only ever hearing goodbyes

 

I don’t ask for nothing

They take it, they take it

Take it all from me

 

Take it all from me...

 

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Gravity

A force of nature that none can see
Always pulling, grounding me
It's at the center of everything
I feel its grip tugging and pulling
I'm lost in the effect 
Drenched in the existence of all things I desire
It comforts me like a warm camp fire 
I know it's there I sense it near 
I know when it's miss
ing me I know that it cares 

It holds me close it hugs my heart

Where it began, jumped right from the start
As it consumes all that I am
It pushes me forward to make a new plan
Oh how I love all that makes it what it is
All those ineffable qualities that even I couldn't miss
the future is bright wherever we are
Once we reach our goal, we reach for the stars

 
 
 

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The anxious mind soaring a thousand light speeds as if to form a clear thought inside,
All I know is what I feel and that leaves me not a single place to hide.
The very real, vulnerable, raw version only your eyes do I reveal this uncut natural soul,
I feel a natural welcomed haven next to you proudly taking on that role.
Weary was my heart but you breathe in new life,
Understanding and openly willing to take on the misfortune past strife.
Just a single look and I feel securely yet completely exposed to you,
Under all the tainted layers you find beauty I lost sight of and feel renewed.
That blazing fire burns into a rage of lust turned to an exerting lifetime love,
How this happened blindsided this soul never seeking but stumbling upon it to rise above.
Your single touch sends a current through ones entire vessel,
As the heart battles and wins over the mind in its very wrestle.
How is it possible to love like we do defying all reason and logic known,
This heart of mine is yours to cherish and fill so full as well to own.
These eyes can be in sea of thousands and only see one,
This journey is going to be everything more than logic can withstand even as it just begun.
Together we gain a best friend, counterpart, better half, lover, and one to confide in,
Dreaming of all that we seek, your beautiful face staring back me, surely I feel a win.
Please stay, I beg of you never leave, for sometime I now feel complete,
I have nothing but myself with love to offer you but I swear it's real treat.
Falling in love from the very first moment sent chills right through me,
Endless possibilities we have together to set free.

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Spiraling out of control, yet calm is the sea.....
Emotions out of control a plague within me.....
What has become of this vessel feeling so hollow....
This empty space in my soul, where my heart could not follow 
These thoughts burden my being, this clouded mind seeks for a cause
Wrenching at the heartstrings, vulnerable in the purest form.....
I look at my hands I see all the places
I remember your touch where you filled the spaces 
Crash, as waves hit the rocks, exploding my mind, exploding my thoughts 
I search for a sign, show me its worth
Standing here in this raw naked facade
I grip tightly to the last remains of my clawing spirit, fighting to break this cage
This noise a dull hum, now a rage of thunder 
My heart races for grip, don't pull me under
Instead mend what's broken, fix it within 
As I beg and I plead to be let in, you broke me down and shattered my pride, what you ask of me is to run and hide
I cannot go, I'll fight I'll stand as I grip my toes into the sand, 
Knowing there's so much more deep inside
Ripping free from the expectations, longing to be the true me
The war inside shaping and forming my rises

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The war inside me roaring loud and striking hard with zero remorse,
Staring blankly into such force.
I am tired of feeling like I go 10 steps forward just to fall back,
Where is the line to keep track.
The promise to never leave again as I promised you,
Yet here we are in a stand still so close yet so far too.
Anxious in this sea of crashing waves rocking to and from,
Searching for my calm glass surface through what has become.
I blame it on the vulnerability of what is me,
Simply searching to be let free.
This pain staining my jaded heart,
Where shall I find shelter when you take away that part.
I scream in silence as my words fail me now,
Feeling this heat rise deep into my bones now.
Stained drops falling down this very soul

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Twisting and turning, heavy are the aches deep within
Blank stare into nowhere, silent these words fail to begin
Searching for answers in all the wrong places,
Washing off and releasing the many faces
Patience I learn to surrender when I am weak,
I fall to me knees fighting feelings of defeat
What is wrong now I seek for light in the dark of the night,
This vision of you and I, temporary we have this fight
Gaps in the spaces I need to feel you running through,
Yet these voids I place on hold, selfish…is this what I’ve come to
Pacing back and forth what keeps me up each night, thoughts of you and I,
Wanting more consistency to feel the depth we both hold yet a deep heavy sigh
This tug of war back and forth, I love you in all the ways you are in all you do,

I reach for you, I reach for you, baby tell me how we get through

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The tempo of the day 
It beats against the clock
The droning rhythms say
Barely moving tick and tock
Its in this silent stream of life
I often think of you 
I see within my mind your face
I see the crease of your smile
I see your eyes begin to glow
I see you reach for me
I feel you pull me in so close
I feel our lips smash together
I feel my heart climb from my chest 
I know the storm that we shall weather
I know it all just feels so slow
I know its like tires spinning in snow
We will find our grip our purchase
We will fly into the future
We will live so many lives 
We will achieve the goals we strive
Tick tock the clock still drones
Eyeing the seconds we will be home
The hands of time they move so slow
But once we pass this mountain snow
We want this, we want the time to stop
For once we have clawed and reached the top 
We don’t want to race through life 
We want it to slow when you are mine
Slow to fast, fast to slow
Do I ask too much of father time
Is impatience such a crime? 
we want what we want, we want to decide
Instant gratification was never the prize
I live and I long to feel your touch
You are not a dream you are the real
As I patiently await our freedom to feel

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I am yours

Loving you has no limit 
Ours is the very best story
Victorious we are in every way
Every day it’s a little bit deeper

Yearning to always be near you 
Opportunities await this future
Unified hand in hand we will stand tall

Souls ignite 
Obediently awaiting for this oasis

Moving mountains just to see this through 
Unaffected by the outside world
Catching each other in the fall
Home is in your heart that I reside

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When you lay on me I feel your pulse
When you snuggle tight I pull you close
When you look at me you make my soul melt
When you kiss my lips sudden electricity felt
When you hold my hand world goes quiet
When you talk to me I pray you never go silent
When you are away I feel painful longing
When you are without me I want to come running 
When you are with me forever it will be 
When we are we rather then just you and me

I love you

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When I look at you I discover I'm so in love with you
Everyday in every moment I am consumed of you
When I think of the my life and the future it's you
It's the look in your eyes, the touch of your lips, the beat in your chest
It leaves me content and I forget the rest
The sound of your voice, you leave me no choice
It's you, it's always you, I close my eyes it's you, I dream and it's you deep within my soul
I need your love like the air I breathe, 
You are the calm to my chaos the peace to my sorrow and the joy that screams from the inside out. 
When we are apart I ache for you deep within 
I promise to be the best I can for you always and to never let go
Let me love you the way you desire 
Fill that soul with passion and fire

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The war inside me roaring loud and striking hard with zero remorse,
Staring blankly into such force.
I am tired of feeling like I go 10 steps forward just to fall back,
Where is the line to keep track.
The promise to never leave again as I promised you,
Yet here we are in a stand still so close yet so far too.
Anxious in this sea of crashing waves rocking to and from,
Searching for my calm glass surface through what has become.
I blame it on the vulnerability of what is me,
Simply searching to be let free.
This pain staining my jaded heart,
Where shall I find shelter when you take away that part.
I scream in silence as my words fail me now,
Feeling this heat rise deep into my bones now.
Stained drops falling down this very soul

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The fog of life mired in discontent
Confuses the mind, creates dissent 
War and rage, tears and pain
Enough to break, push toward insane
Muddied boots stuck and held
Each step each stride like breaking a weld
This grab to life tries pulling me under
I’m left in the dark mind racing with wonder
Can I be saved? Pulled from the filth 
Washed clean? Or blade driven to the hilt
Cut out my heart, this blackened stone
Barely a beat, creator of this broken road
Where will my help come from?
Failure to ask...well that’s just dumb
I am a broken branch, snapped from the tree of life
Scared and used, shaped into a twig

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Clear a little space and make a little time, I've got a solid vision in my mind. 
I'm going down a path and there's no limit,
Oh yes don't you know I'm in it to win it.

The galaxy is deeply hidden in those eyes,
Listen clearly you'll hear thunder in the rise.
Movement set like a beautiful little dance,
Don't flinch be sure to hold the stance.

Moments captured like a polaroid gripped tightly for the soul,
She remembers why she started and promises to never lose sight of the goal. 
Hustling through tangled up thoughts inside,
Release found from the iron in her hands, shelter in her gravity, challenging all things out of this realm.

She is all things complicated yet simplicity resides in her laugh,
Listen quietly as she braves the path. 
Fire set in the rage of the night,
Stand up and forge the light.

Clear a little space and make a little time, I've got a solid vision in my mind.
I'm going down a path and there's no limit,
Oh yes don't you know I'm in it to win it.

 

 

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~Nights & Days~

 

Nights turned into days and days turned into nights

Trying to keep up in the race of this thing we call life without these fights

Spinning out of control so it seems in a million directions

yet with you I am calmed just by your simple affections

Day in and day out I think about you and why I can't explain this feeling

I seek to you something I cannot have yet we still keeping reeling

What is there I may never know if you don't stand up and take a chance

I am here telling you what I feel what I seek and ready to do the dance

Your charming words hold beauty that seems so rare

I am torn in these emotions but why must I care

This leads me to what I want I cannot have

What I had, I didn't need. What I seek, I cannot find. What I found, I cannot deal with.

What I have dealt with, I didn't deserve. What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be

indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that's addicted to me. A mutual addiction

Something inside screams it is right there staring you in the face

From the very first moment we met there was no denying this makes my heart race

What is wrong must be right and what seems right is wrong

I stand before you pleading for a chance to show you life, don't drag this out to long

The risk you take in the stealthily moves you show

I cannot say I will not turn my head the other way when the flow is just to slow

Timing is everything and then often times you just have to take the leap

We all know once in your life something or someone special comes along

This is when it's time to decide if the risk is worth taking

For me I think the risk is worth it.

 

 

 

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Reverie

 

The way your eyes meet mine is nothing but a sweet rhyme

If only a moment were all we had I’d pray to freeze time

Your lips so soft and sweet against mine

The way our bodies intertwine

How my skin betrays me in your awareness

This night we share seems so rare

It is not in the power you crave I seek to you a haven

Underneath it all I get lost in your eyes and the sounds of your voice like something’s awaken

Yet I fear I must be dreaming to have such pleasant peace tonight within

These arms around me so tight, oh what will I have to sacrifice for this pleasure, surely this is no win?

The way you carry yourself when you speak to me

I obey these dirty little orders eager with elation

As my mind wanders with all these fantasies I’d like to fulfill with you not once being a craven

Why does everything in me betray around you what do you bestow

The pounding in my chest becomes so rapid I must know

I fear falling asleep as to lose the look of peace you carry at rest

The way I feel wrapped up in your chest

Morning will come and all will be gone

With nothing more but a longing…

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Daydream

~Clouded~

 

Alone I sit in this room clearing, relaxing, and dreaming in my head

I retrace my steps to all these things I should have said

Now I see where most of it went downhill and went wrong

Yet I am aware how hard we both tried to stay strong

The adolescence and naive bond we held on to as we matured

Now hinders what should have been nurtured

I seek for not the answers but a path only one knows to carry us in

All these storms and feeling alone is he carrying me away from this sin

To be permeated with a wholesome life again I now seek and grip tight

Down here from the floor I see that even still my will keeps me driven

I crave to have this spark again so I can really be living

One of my purposes is to leave a mark in my own life and for others

Yet is holding on to the what was, now enough to stay lovers

We've weathered so many trials and lost a little more each day

I fear we both lost our way as we stray

Your heart so big and full and I am grateful no matter

Yet these bitter resentments and keeping score is not a place I wish for

Can't you hear my tears as they hit the cold hard ground as they splatter

All the insecurities I lacked strength for in which they broke our bond

I now built up even more so and I am aware but timing went to long

This learning and building of character sets my path one direction

Why does it tear what was once a wonderful affection

Where is the light when all has fallen so dark

I sit here seeking a possibility of uncertainties which flicker a slight spark

 

 

 

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~Today can be a new day 2004~

 

Today I know will be okay,

Because for today is a new day.

I will try to find myself and know,

I am one who will keep up with the row.

I am a good person who will fight back,

Please Alicia don’t slack.

You can beat this,

Don’t be such a sis.

Your thoughts may be hard,

But you can always lay down a new card.

You CAN be yourself,

Don’t shove things back to another shelf.

Freak out if you have to and let it go,

There are no reasons to just say no.

Don’t be what everyone else wants,

Be yourself and let go of what sends you these haunts.

You are a person who stands up for yourself,

Please don’t fall down into your old self.

Find a way to win,

Don’t throw it into another bin,

You can fight this and be ok,

There are always new days.

Don’t continue to become more lost in this life,

Step back and pull out your knife.

 

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~This Mother's Day 2006~

 

Today I take a moment to pray

Pray that today will have no fray

Today will be great in the sun

Oh it will be so much fun

You can relax and do nothing at all

I’ll make sure that you have a ball

Just take it slow and with ease

I promise not to tease

I will treat you like a queen

You won’t even have to clean

I will plant you a garden of roses

In all kinds of shapes and poses

I will sit down and listen

I will make your lips glisten

If I could I would give you a mountain

And it’ll have a beautiful fountain

This Mother’s Day I will pray

This Mother’s Day take a moment to say

“I am the best and I have done my best”

Now just let me do the rest

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~The Anger Within 2004~

 

I hate the way things are today,

I wish that I could run away.

My thoughts are pacing,

My heart is racing.

Please take away all this shit,

I don’t know if I can handle all of it.

I want to yell out loud,

I can’t see through this cloud.

I’m on the edge and ready to explode,

Why so many rocks in the road.

I want to tear shit apart,

Have I lost my heart.

Fuck this pain,

Just keeping bringing on this rain.

Just leave me alone and let me be,

No one will ever see.

I’m freaking out,

Watch out I’m going to shout.

Why do I feel like I want to cry,

Why do I live with this guy.

Fuck you and everybody too,

Bring this life to an end,

I don’t want this fucked up trend.

I hate today,

Make it go away.

 

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~Take me away 2004~

 

Take me to a land where there is harmony and the grass is always green,

Take me where I don’t have to balance on a beam.

My thoughts are choking,

I can’t even pretend to be joking.

I’m lost and need to be found,

Instead I’m going down and round.

Why do I fall so hard,

I didn’t pick this card.

I tell you no lie,

Where and who am I?

Why do I feel down,

Why do I always wear a frown?

Inside I have a scared soul and heart,

Inside it really does tear me apart.

Why do I feel like I have to hide,

Why does the evilness beg to come out and show that side?

I feel like a rock sinking to the bottom of a sea,

I just want my soul to be happy and free.

My life could really use a fix,

Not all these stupid tricks.

Please be patient with me for I don’t know how else you could help me,

I know that everyone says together we’re supposed to be happy and set free.

Just help me get through my day,

Please just pray.

 

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~Pressure 2005~

 

The pressure is building fast,

How long before the next blast.

I ask for to much and don’t give enough,

I can’t seem to be tough.

I am always wrong,

Why for so long.

There’s so much pressure inside my chest,

Why can’t I just rest.

My heart is pounding with a race,

To hard to control the pace.

I want to hit anything in sight,

I will put up a fight.

Yet I’m falling to my knees and I hide my face,

I’ve lost all of my grace.

I want to cry for all my sorrow,

If I do though I’m some little weak girl with no tomorrow.

I have no one to turn to,

So I just continue to feel blue.

I’ve become some naggy little bitch,

I can’t catch the pitch.

I’m falling through a rock bottomless pit,

When shall I hit.

I’m ready for a hault,

Somehow this has become my fault.

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~Inside can you hear 2007~

 

I wish that sometimes you would just hear me

I wish that you would let me be me which is free

I sometimes wonder when this rough time will pass

I get angry and you just laugh

If it were you in my shoes

You would then see why I have the blues

You make me feel like scum in the dirt

You make my heart ache and hurt

I cry often wondering if we will get through the rough

I can’t take another load of stuff

I can’t handle the rage I lock inside

I can’t continue to hide

You thought I could be strong and move along

However you have me all wrong

I am angry with the way my life has turned out

Yeah sure you think I just pout

You will see that deep inside I am lost waiting

Waiting for… I do not know but it is better than hating

Deep inside can’t you hear

 

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~Fighting for what 2008~

 

Trying to find a center ground

Continuing to go even after I’ve been told knowing what I’ve found

Why the hurt and lies after I tried and still try

I lock it up and hold back my tears that I need to cry

I always wear my heart on my sleeve for all to see

Yet somehow it’s not good enough to be free

There are always going to battles of ups and downs

All I see you focus on is the times of my frown

I’m better than that and by now you should know this too

I need to have your love and compassions with that endless kiss

You’ve given up on something so that is so great

I once believed it was fate

Nothing is perfect or always easy and smooth

Try to understand these things take time to get in the right groove

 

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~False Hope 2007~

 

Today I tried to feel alright

I tried to keep my thoughts out of sight

Something’s come over me

It’s like I am fighting to be free

At night I lay awake in bed

Knowing all the wrong spins round and round in my head

I try to fight the way I feel inside

My head tells me no by my heart will not hide

I know it’s wrong to feel this way

Really what can I say

How does something so wrong feel so right

I try to lock it up someone please show me the light

I’m down on my knees asking begging for a sign

How do I walk this fire line

I think about you often through the years as if it was yesterday

Wondering do you think of me too

One kiss, one touch, you made me feel alive

Did you even feel the vibe in the adolescence years

I longed to be held in those arms and look into those eyes

Knowing that together we could be rid of our worries and cries

I need to lose the hope

I need to let go of this rope

It was obviously never there except in my head

It was never fare

We both knew

Yet we didn’t follow through

Today I tried to feel alright

I tried to keep my thoughts out of sight

 

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~Dear God 2004~

 

Dear God why so many tears,

Why so much fear.

Why the anger,

Why do I feel like such a stranger.

Why this stain,

Why the pain.

I want to scream and shout,

Please change my route.

Why the hate,

Is this just my fate.

Why are things so tough,

It’s never good enough.

I need a friend who will hear,

I need someone near.

Please tell me why,

Why I sit here and just cry.

Help me out,

I’m starting to scream and freak out.

 

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~Broken 1998~

 

The way you make me feel

Is so hurtful and unreal

I try to forget you

I thought this time was going to be true and different

What do I really know anyways

Now I’m just left yet again counting down the days

Friends we can’t even be

So I try to let you be free

Fuck this shit I’ll throw this fit

I’ll get over it bit by bit

I hate the pain

I can’t even restrain

You said things that are now a lie

How can I even look you in the eye

Trying to forget you

Why can’t I forget you

This child on the way only needs the love I know I can provide

Yet you made me feel insufficient of even this

You made me feel worthless of any love

Now I question what is wrong with me

Could this be true I am not worthy to be loved

What have you done to this girl who is now so broken yet by another soul

Is this what is left of my life broken relationships

What does everyone see that I don’t

This ship is sailing picking up the left over broken pieces of my heart

Hoping to find love again and make a new start

 

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~Another Day 2004~

 

The day goes by slow,

I try to keep up and go with the flow.

Take my pain away,

Why do I fight and stay,

I pour my heart out,

Begging for another route.

I drop down to my knees,

Wishing for us to be free.

He says if I’m not happy then he is not,

But I can’t fake it always inside I’m boiling to the rim of the pot.

Does he really understand how much I am hurting inside,

I sometimes pray we will make it through the fog because I am tired of having to hide.

We fight everyday now,

Why does it get this way or even how.

I used to think I would give my life for him,

But I was blind and these last six months make a soul weak and dim,

Were we really ever meant to be,

I am not free.

If I left would they follow,

Should my heart be this empty and hollow…

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~Alone 1998~

 

Today is just the same as all the rest

I can’t seem to get rid of the pain in my chest

I try so hard to just get by

Yet my life is one big lie

My hands begin to shake

As I lay here wide away

He says he just has to be out of here

When really I think he’s running from fear

What has he gone through to make him lonely and blue

I try to stay strong and let life go on

It’s hard when you’re treated like a tiny shard

He never gave me peace deep within my soul

No one will ever know

He’s leaving me to go far away

Now I somehow feel astray

I cry out on my knees hoping he sees

However I’ve been pushed aside

I can’t seem to find a place to hide

I stress, I cry, and I worry

Everything has become so blurry

He says things that aren’t right and that I’ve lost the fight

So now I ask the lord above

Please show me the light

I don’t want to feel at fright

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~In my heaven~

 

Though the day is dark your face shall make all bright and the world just right

As I sit here and stare into my minds own vision I realize here and now you’re right

Your eyes shine so bright, your hair like silk, your lips so delicate, and your soul heavenly

You made me a better person for knowing you and loving you the way I do

A look at you is all it takes to apprehend that you are my boo

You bring such an ambience it really sets the tone

Only I truly see the real you deep down and I hold you up on my own little throne

I just want to mean something to you more than anyone else ever has

I want to be the first and the last in our own romance not just a pass

Is it the look in your eyes or the way your smile lights me up

I care not what it is or how it happened just that you fill my cup

I trace, I memorize, in the instant I close my eyes your presence by my side

I know you body molds perfectly to mine and there is no need to hide

I want to have you in the utter most erotic ways

I’ll need you for more than just a few days

The fever deep inside burns within me because of your graciousness being

It’s like you’re the only thing I’m seeing

Take me away from this place to a far far away wonderland of ecstasy

This truly is my entity

The way I feel with you I wish to hold on to it and never let if fade away

So many times has that thought been a false realization and failure, don’t lead me astray

Everything in this life is complicated yet you’re soul makes it seem so easy

In wrong doings I know morally but even more so to deny what I myself want

I try so hard to stay focused on learning me and my own needs not that of others flaunt

How I need you in my life is like how fish need water

You are someone I can't imagine to live without in this life why else would I bother

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~This love~

 

My love for you is a more than just some childish obsession

It is yet different and difficult to explain to think of loving someone other than you

Only to realize later on that I never really stopped loving the true heart and soul of you and you knew

The current being so wonderful in ways inside and out but more like we grew older and apart

I need you in more ways than I can explain but life is being so cruel with yet another lesson of timing

I am sick and tired of always trying to please others but myself and constantly stuck here rhyming

Two hearts beat yet searching to become a single heavenly soul

I keep taking these punches and going through each roll

Truth is though I don’t want to pretend to love anyone but you

You fill a void no other knew was there because I hadn’t shared until you asked how to

These complications I know not how to overcome just yet

Please help me worry less not fret

I fight for doing right in which is yet wrong for one but not in I

I know where I want to be and where I want to go and I break in knowing you struggle with it

You and me I love thee so much and don’t ever want you to think less of yourself than how great I see

I say all the things I say to you because I believe them to be so true and plan to set your soul free

My love is stronger, bigger than you believe for you that you will spend your time trying to figure it out

I will constantly scream at the loudest pitch I can and I will even tell it to the world in an out roar shout

I need you like we need so much in this life to be accepted

See what I see in you and let the spirit deep within that you share shine through so bright

You cannot stand to deal with your own fight

Give this time and patience and we will make it through this and be one

For nothing else than that happiness we will have and share will last a ton

Have faith, strength, courage, patience, and love

You are a angel sent down from up above my one true white dove

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~Speak to me~

 

What is wrong must be right because I accept no other option in this

You and me were short lived and hard to move on and miss

So I say this to you in hopes you not just hear me but understand

I had lost all hopes in filling the void and chose to do what was left for me and settled without your hand

Brought back to my world here we are or maybe just I left wishing in the stars

Rekindle what was lost, unfinished, and heal these scars

Inside there is a hole in me that makes me ill as I aimlessly wander this life with forced destination

I unveiled to you what none others know in hopes of restoration

A foolish hope that you understand my rescue needs

Only the lord knows it will take a lot of help me get through these unsavvy greed’s

I lay awake in the night left with the feeling of loneliness in the dark

I dream often of you and me under the trees in the park

I heard and fear what you said about how it shouldn’t be

I feel like you are what sets this feeling free

You may not think of me but I think of you and how much you weigh on this heart

Wishing to live a life and never having to be apart

The knots in my stomach wrench at me trying to see clear

I refocus my thoughts but the vision keeps pounding in my head and is clear as day, I have no fear

What is left is for you to say there will be the day

I suffer a self infliction of pain so fierce it’s like walking through the gates of hell

Knowing there is no one left as I ring the bell

Tell me this isn’t so and that you need me like I need you

Or let it be and I will find a way to move on and get through

 

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~New hope~

 

This wicked anger inside me is fighting so hard to unleash itself

Little do you know I walk slowly and carry a heavy stealth

Watch out because my patience have worn

You stick me like a thorn

You really should just leave me alone

The way you carry your tone

Bringing out my worst I wish to keep locked away

I have been trying so hard and you support nothing of who I am

I can’t stand so many things going on right now or even put up the fight any longer

I have been shoved around for so long and beaten down and broken for this I am no longer stronger

I am fragile and miss someone so much it pains me to know the time is coming just not yet

I keep trying so very hard not to fret

This last so long and yet so fast time is passing by

I want to waste not but also just need to bide time a little

Everything you seem to have yourself in seems like such a riddle

I hear you speak but your actions tell the real truths of this ending road

The story of us has come to a halt and the rest will never be told

My legs are weak yet I move forward

I scream but silence is all that comes out

My cup is empty but I keep pouring

Things are shining on the other side

Soon I will no longer have to hide

Your soul is good but not matching to mine

I never thought the day would come where I could no longer walk this line

Yet deep down I have always known ours paths were a temporary travel

Now all I see in my review mirror is dust and bits of gravel

I am scared with new doors opening all the same it’s a breath of new found hope

 

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~Never being your satisfaction~

 

To know me such a tantalizing task most won’t tackle

I’ve been beaten down and torn in so many pieces, ripped out and stomped on

To pick up those shattered crumbs and rebuild what is left of me is a difficult task

Needing so much with little bits to offer at a time brings pains hard to mask

I am yet a weak and fragile person confused holding up a facade image of strength and integrity

Trying to remain humble but at times shutting the world out with fear of failure

Moving forward day to day always questioning if I am doing right by others rather than myself

Never being your satisfaction

Always being told wrong

I advance forward, forward, forward

Never being your satisfaction

Tell me why you break me the way you do in such a badgering way

I once looked to you in a way I thought would never change

The picture became clear that you were the one to fear

All your rage taken upon me for unsatisfying your needs of greed

You seen the look in my eyes when I became affright

Yet you slammed the cold blunt razors in me so deep to remind me of this pain

Moving forward such a battle picking out the shards

Never being your satisfaction

Always being told wrong

I advance forward, forward, forward

Never being your satisfaction

Speak to me the truths of our youths as wisdom sets in, build the path

You care not of my well being or who I am inside

The pain is suffocating and pressure builds a heavy burden I must carry

I am me so why won’t you let me just be free

I feel the fire burn within as the words erupt from you to me like a volcano explosion

Never being you satisfaction

Always being told wrong

I advance forward, forward, forward

Never being your satisfaction

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~My Ground~

 

All these emotions running through my head,

All these things unfinished and left unsaid.

You don’t see the changes for what they are,

How have things gone so far.

I try to push it all way down,

I need to rid myself of this perma frown.

Help me understand where I went wrong on the shitty thing we call life,

The pain is like the stabbing of a million knives.

I want so much for a moment to breathe,

You don’t seem to get the intensity of the situation of all we have left to heave.

I asked so little for what you think is too much,

I can’t push aside what is best for me and such.

I told you and did all that I can to make you understand,

Now it is time for me to give myself the helping hand.

I have shifted focus for things that will alone make me happy,

I am so sick and tired of feeling sad and sappy.

I cannot change this cycle you carry or who you are,

I can change what is acceptable for me and so I shoot like a star.

I tread lightly for I know my actions will speak so clear,

Yet I have not one ounce of fear.

You know just how to push my right buttons and make me tick,

You play such a dirty little trick.

I feel angered in myself for letting this take over me and who I am now,

I spend these days searching for me and a way to know how.

I will stand a ground I believe to be right for no one else but me,

You will be left with no choice but to allow me to be free.

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~Left or Right~

 

In my mind you stay with me forever wherever I go

In my heart you’ve earned the place for all eternity

This path leads me on a winding road with nausea for the lack of going back

I retrace the steps and countless mistakes for which I’ve learned

How I try so hard to make right for which is wrong but wrong overtakes me

Is this what I’ve become a seeker of passion which is yet deceitful to another

Is it possible to love more than one at a time for uncertainties wrench in me

How I search for clarity with no one to turn to for understandings in my sorrows

Wishing to pause the present and return to the past for answers in the now

My head spins with the possibilities

I long for a single moment even if that is all I should be allowed

A fantasy may not satisfy but would even a moment

I could end up longing for more then what

How does one fit a history into the future

Would a moment suffice for you and me or would you demand more

A sudden sadness settles upon me and the weight is heavy

A broken life at home in doing what is right or endless possibilities in another

A fear of rejection could very well be a flipside

Unable to except this as an option it may leave a wonder always and forever in me

Disturbed by ones anxieties yet again for failure is not an option

One taste, one touch, one moment lasting a lifetime only for the two souls to share and express

Wishing there could be an option for secrecy between us

Could that sit with us deep inside only for our own knowing I weigh this in my head

Wanting such from this love is to much to ask for so why weigh this in my own mind

 

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  • Troy (Monday, January 21 13 10:47 am EST)

    That was a great poem!

~Game of life~

 

Playing the same endless game of life

Accepting the cards dealt without letting the rage fill me

Searching for some way or form of release from the pressure to live up a way

Begging for a new beginning, fresh start a clean slate, no preconceived assumptions

Help me understand where I went wrong on this road of destinies I wish to switch

I miss the feeling, touch, sensation of pure bliss; I want to be a desire for you

The way things turned so dark has left a mark in this heart of mine

Masking the pain by the fantasy I envision in my imagination

Only in time do the changes become inevitability clear to me

It’s hard not being able to please all those around you and love so dearly

The obvious has hit me so clearly

How the pain I may cause may torment me through and through

I can’t keep living the life that makes me feel so blue

I’m running yet me feet currently stay grounded

I scream for the world but no one seems to hear my cries

I jump to a fate less fall with whom to catch or break the cycle

Will you hold my hand and walk by my side through a fiery path

Will you please stay with me when the rest have left my side

I fear there will be no where left to hide

So I am pushed into standing up for what I believe is right

Knowing things will surface a large fight

I stand with a self preservation to my being and health

Promising to live as if it were my last and no longer walking in stealth

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~Don't know~

 

I don’t even know what just happened but I am in complete blissful daze

All it took was the reminiscing stories and one look at your beautiful glaze

My world has been turned upside down and spun around

I remember why I’ve saved that spot in my heart for you because I knew we were bound

You plus me will conquer the world in our own way

Just promise me that never again you will stray

I promised myself I would never let anyone break me

It’s like you’ve pulled the stake free

Now I sing in a blaze of soul dancing rhythm and hip hop beat

You’re in my head all the time and it’s become such a nice treat

I stand yet in motion looking down at my feet as the emotion hits my face and turns my cheeks

I turn the other way and regroup with my strong gripped poker face while we stand in the streets

Not knowing where this road leads us in the long future

Hoping you can show me it is for the long haul and you’re ready to rid the torture

I need you in such an intense way that I can’t seem to find the fitting words to suffice

 I simply feel oh so nice

I want that body and soul for mine own little pleasures

It’s worth the world and all its’ little treasures

Tell me the truths for all the lies I can see in my own eyes

How fickle this has become in my heart

Growing so much you know how big you have apart

Trying to find the time and place to make our lives meet

Be patient in my slow moving feet

Things will prevail for you and I to be

Should you feel the same was as me

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~Black Forest~

 

Wandering through a thick forest of darkness

Running fast yet my feet are grounded with immobility

Nothing is truer than the words unspoken but you have them embedded in your heart

Hold me near in the night as I fear the moment will pass in the blink of an eye

I live vicariously in your words with faith your awareness of my needing them

As astounded as I may be in my findings in recent times

Prove to me this is real

Speak to me the truths of what you feel

Am I longing for a false realization

What is love without being loved

I reach for your hand for a sense of unity

So what is fighting back and why the resistance within your tranquility

Do I seek for a false reality forced from this world a road already dealt

I tremble in thoughts of rejection for what is wrong in me

The imperfections of this physical being

Emotions stumbling more and more as I spiral down a broken passage

Then I think back to when we kissed and all seems right

I just want back in your head as my thoughts lead me astray

I want to know your every secret and every unspoken insecurity

I hold you tender from the world’s tragedies

Walk not in front nor behind but by my side and together we shall conquer

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~All the days that I have loved~

 

All the days that I had loved you

All the endless moments in the past and yet to come

Why is the simplest of them the most confounded

I seek for things thus unknown even to myself

I long for a sense of uncertainties to one’s self

I search for a change in this life to be fulfilled

What change could I conceivably want that should satisfy

I am always seeking always searching for what is unknown

A missing link, a missed moment, something gone wrong

Why so much on this mind weighing so hard keeping me aware

I am nothing but broken pieces falling apart more so

This consciousness torments me for things I do not know

Always going always coming

Let me find what keeps me awake so late at night

The pounding drum, the heavy weight on my chest

The achy cognition of what is even unclear to me

My mind is my worst enemy

Time is an essence I’d like not to waste but lacking the rest I decay

Please do not stray from me

Time will prevail to our worlds we long to connect

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~All that I am~

 

This is the day where I try to refocus my thoughts

Everything in me is tied in a million different knots

So many emotions uncertainties running through my veins

Please shut this gate and hide the stormy rains

I opened up things to you I should have held a while longer

Now I fear I cannot be stronger

Moving on and doing what is right is such a strife

As the dagger buries deeper within me I force myself to move along with life

Often I fear of my own happiness for the sake of destroying others vision

Yet every day I feel myself coming towards a huge collision

All the things I know and preach to others is yet the most difficult task to me

Why is it that I love you so much so and yet my life is grounded in chains and I can’t be set free

How do I find a way to please all or is this not an option shall I bide or divide

What will become of me if I continue this route as I am aware of the self inflicting pain

You were no game for me everything was real all I said had meaning to every depth

So much on my plate and I see my little man’s face and can’t bare to take away his breaths

I broke your heart but mine was already broken and now more so with lots of cracks

They say it’s just more to fill with love but I know what your heart lacks

I feel like the feelings in my heart have to be buried deep down as I try to control my breathing

I can’t seem to focus or keep hold of things in my grasp it’s like a heavy heaping

The more I see of who I have become the more I dislike and search for a metamorphosis

I long so much for that long wonderful soul kiss

Contagiously thoughts start to abolish my disposition as I fall

Who will hear me if I can’t do anything more to prevaricate or sustain

The simple things in life are yet the most complex to refrain

All that I am all that I was all that I have become for what

My happiness says I can do this but my life says keep your mouth shut

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~Hearts Race~

 

All the days we share I spend my time lost in your eyes for they tell thoughts we both know

Words go unspoken yet I invoke your silence for some sort of vocalization which I need you to bestow

Sometimes I sense a caution from you while still a strong yearning for endless possibilities

Often life tears people apart only to help them become who they should be later for each other without hostilities

Only this lesson life plays a cruel trick making obstacles in the path which teaches one to stand up for happiness

The choices I have made are clear yet my actions have to move slow and steadily for lack of tactiness

My eyes should tell you clearly how I feel and what I don’t say to you aloud

Why must you be silent and not tell me what I want to hear instead you act proud

We both know it and yet I would give half my soul just to hear you speak it from those beautiful lips

The way it’s gone about isn’t right but sometimes life gives you a second chance you just have to reach for it

Relationships in the past taught us to be guarded and hearts cautioned in the moments of passion

Thus this allows tender times and moments to pass without acknowledgment and only allow a small ration

Who are we to deny such an intense emotion that fills like the sun does the soul

Don’t let this pass and have to pay yet another enduring toll

Your hearts beats a beautiful melody why don’t you get it

I have given you truth in me, the real me, you’ve been fed it

So tell me now and I promise you won’t regret what you and I both know will be echoed in our favor

Demand it from me and I will gladly give it all whole heartedly for you to savor

My hearts skips beats from a simple look, touch, sound of your voice

You know if I had my way you’re definitely my first choice

Yet something restrains you and me to allow us the what has be given at hand

Do we let this pass and be grateful for what was and give up or make a stand

These thoughts consume me daily in a vicious circle of what ifs

The time passes slowly in the moment of a untold past and lives as an untold story in my heart

I fear that someone else has come into your life and torn this apart…

 

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~Shackles~

 

I can’t escape the threshold of the shackles and chains

I am held captive with my own thoughts clouded deep inside

Trying to break free and find the air to breathe

I feel a suffocation so intense these emotions can’t express

Why the complexity of this magnitude is there unspoken truths

This anxiety is closing in on me

The rapid drumming is pounding harder and faster on this heart of mine

A breaking explosion any moment

Swimming in a sea of a thousand uncertainties

Provide me clarity which I seek

Release these thoughts as they try to imprison one self

How the questions pace inside and I can’t seek them out in this moment

For this will be a misery I gladly reside in so long as you’re in my thoughts

I forfeit the resistance in the instance of your glowing beam

Such a child inside with the giddy fluttering

The maturity of knowing each action’s representation

Reality slaps in the sick obsessions of a fantasy in ones covet

Why did we not push the for the instance that was given

It passed in the blink of an eye and now left yearning for enhancement

When or will the timing be right only if someone shed some light

Put this at ease and allow the focus to shift for perspective

After all this time I still hold on to a juncture

Where a friendship it is in this instance time will tell the inevitable

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~Struggle for your truths~

 

I think back to the days when we were young and in the blind side

What I would give to be back in the moments and flowing in the tide

We live in this moment and move forward in this ever challenging world of what we call life

How I want more than anything to remove all and yes be called something like a wife

You and me is like a sea of endless wonders of a land so far yet so close

Yet life picks me apart like the beautiful pedals of a rose

I fight for what is right and to make the vision be clear to your sight

I just am unsure of how long I can try to keep up with your fight

Tell me why I fight such a battle of what you should already know

I can’t speak any longer of what it is I need you to show

Tell me why or what it is that won’t let you go

You know and yet say you don’t want to rush me but I feel you don’t really know

Your feet are grounded in your own entrapment of whirls

Yet your thoughts and words send me in endless twirls

You seem up and down as I am but all the same I know what I deep down want do you

How the sick thoughts twist in my mind have I become your tool as it makes me blue

You have no reality of what you really do to me and how much I really long for us

Are my words just a satisfying verse for you to rehearse over and over in your daily fuss

What I want and what I need you make me work so hard

Can’t you see what you’ve been dealt and except my card

Where do I constantly go wrong with you in my world of love

Don’t you see our white dove

How can you feel that your truth is better than what I have to offer

Maybe I don’t add up to what you feel or seek and you rip it from my hands

As I struggle to find a way for myself to understand

 

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~Tell me why~

 

I see you restrain possibly for the lack of rejection

Have you not heard of the exception

I seek to you in hopes for what I long to know

Why won’t you let go I have not stirred you wrong

I love so many things about you

I wish I could erase all the hurt you have inside your soul

I wear it on my sleeve, for you know what this is

Unguarded and willing to open all to you

I need a trust that is unexplainable only the heavens know

Tell me why oh please tell me why you do not confide in me

Where have I gone wrong after so long

Are we not the same

The door that has been shut reopens but why

To relive all the infinite possibilities

My pounding drum is beating so fast

How long does this have to go on to last

I think of you and you think of me the same

Who are we to do nothing about this willing to have no game

I know so many things blur the right way to proceed

The endless whirls of confusion and endless smiles when I think of you

Hear me out before you let the light go out

I imagine your arms around me and how you set me free

I think if you love me or love me not

Why does the world make feel like a bot

My head spins round and round becoming dizzy with right and wrong

Do I bide my time here and do the right and live in motion

Or do I run wild with the unknown propositions

 

                                            

 

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~Through these eyes~

 

This heart has a secret place only shared with one

Suppose for that split time in the past we never lived it

Would we still be the same or a flightless bird

Forever I am in love with the fantasies in my mind

The road has no limit to the paths we take

Why do I circle this then for it is already traveled

Pacing back and forth so close and so distant

Are we the same just wiser or is it a foolish dream to believe

I hear you from afar, I envision you in my window

These eyes show a story few know but your presence is the only importance

Hold me tight and release me from the restraints of this weary life I behold

Love me for all I am and all the unfamiliarity’s revealed

The expression you cannot see but I paint you the image of beauty and bliss

As we intertwine bodies and eyes lock

Security I sense with companionship

Is this a feeling we share I have no answers

My heart cannot close this door for it was so short lived

Suppose a visionary delusion is all I ever get shall satisfy

For 50 years could go by

Even then I would take the path with you given the opportunity

For now our lives apart I live through the words

These desires will be unsettled till the day arises

 

 

 

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~Unknown Emotions~

 

Your words cut through me like a razor sharp blade

Take me back to the days where your arm was around me

My heart stumbles on the unknown and unlived moments

Emotions run through my veins like angry rapids

While the flame turns to a burning rage.

The delicate lips against mine I hold tenderly in my thoughts

Your smile sends me in a whirl wind spell

How I loved thee and how I feel so indeed now

This mind is entangled on its own anxieties

How the roads have changed yet I trip over this one less traveled

Not forgotten but etched into my heart and soul

Why must the complexities of this world interfere

The first glimpse into each other’s eyes with no doubt you won

Now I seek out for the answers of the untold and its purpose

Your soul shines so bright it lights the darkness in my fears

Yet cast out on this other path I feel the thread strengthen

Weakness in the knees, trembling hands, hearts race

Breathing so heavily, reaching out for a catching soul

Don’t let me fall, what is wrong is right

For right is wrong I know it so

The time is now here in the moment

The things that got away resurface for seeking truths

For this too shall pass and erase all the fear

As I long for the feeling of your sweet kiss

Whisper to me the sweet nothings I die to hear inside

 

 

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~Your Poison is intoxicating~

 

Fickle and intoxicating illness suffocates one’s self being with your venom

Fighting the inner creature holding hard to keep it locked deep down down within

You and I are like the worst of enemies trapped by another jointly created soul

How badly I just want to rid my life of you and let go

You pick me apart and tear me down as I am a creature unworthy of anything more

You’ve beaten me so deeply and I think your sick obsession is well aware

You always have to push to cause pain and go for more than just a glare

This sickness within me knowing you hurt his soul and it eats at me has to stop

You have to become powerless from us as we are worthy of so much more

This creature claws and wrenches inside me with a flame and uproar

You bring out the worst in me and I wish to never feel the way you make me

So much hurt, so many fears, how you’ve wronged us both, my eyes so woozy

Your sick pleasures of pure satisfaction in ripping us apart is just so twisted

Fighting the seether in me pushing it far away because it’s not me is such a wicked task

I hurt inside and the person I need to help me through is so far away right now

I keep asking myself why and how

Where did I go wrong to be dealt these ugly cards for the game of life

I want so much to be the special someone for another yet you stick me like a knife

It burns like a raging fire inside I am screaming for help to pull me out

If I had my way in this moment I would shout out for this other chosen route

Release me from this ill depression you long to keep hold on me

I scream and beg to please please just won’t you this one time let me be free!!!

My eyes are set whole heartedly on this graciously beautiful soul that keeps me fighting

Yet my heads spins in the obstacles you throw at me and wonder if it will take a toll

I want my focus to be bright and shining yet you keep me fighting the dark

You batter me like a fucking shark

Let me be let me be fuck please let me be

This is not me



 

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© Alicia Hammons